In the 1950’s, there was a weekly television series called Dragnet.  In this popular crime drama, characters Joe Friday and Bill Gannon were police officers investigating crimes. With their pen and notepad in hand, they would question witnesses in order to acquire information that would help them solve the crime.  Joe Friday’s character was a no-nonsense, just-get-to-the-point type of guy.  If he was questioning a female witness who wandered too far from relaying the facts of the crime or the accused, he was known for saying, “Just the facts, ma’am.”

James 3:5 says, “So also the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do.  A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.”  Given the technology driven culture we live in today, at no other time does this issue seem to be more problematic. Because we live in a world supercharged by social media, idle chatter frequently seems to hit a communication Autobahn. Before we know it we may feel bad PR is too far down the road.

Joe Friday’s verbal MO, “Just the facts, ma’am,” is actually good advice for us to practice when it comes to online communication. E-mail, texting, Facebook or any other online correspondence should be used to communicate facts and information.  Communication involving emotions and feelings are much better addressed face-to-face.  Computers or cell phones do not allow the reader to see the facial expressions behind the words.  It is more likely that written words could be misinterpreted which could illicit a negative emotional reaction.

Matthew 18:15 encourages us by saying, “If a fellow believer hurts you, meet privately. Work it out between the two of you…”

As a woman, I can honestly say I don’t like conflict. Meeting face-to-face with someone to discuss a delicate situation is not really my cup of tea. I find it uncomfortable. It’s so much easier to express my thoughts behind the keys of a computer than it is to meet face-to-face with someone. But what’s easier is not always what’s right. Because it’s easier to hide behind our computers, it’s also easier to slip into a venting mode and say more than we should. Meeting in person often provides accountability. When we can physically see the person we are talking to, their body language and facial expressions may help monitor our words so we don’t add more fuel to the fire.

To better illustrate this, let’s use the following example of an e-mail sent to a woman who isn’t very reliable when it comes to showing up for planned events.

Hey Sue! Hope you had a great day! I missed seeing you at the park this morning. Hope everything is ok. I also wanted to confirm that we are planning on getting together for lunch on Friday at 11:30. Please let me know. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks!

Lisa

This e-mail is sticking to the facts. Lisa made it clear that she didn’t see Sue at the park that morning, but she followed with a statement that expressed concern rather than frustration over the fact that Sue wasn’t there. She went on to confirm their lunch plans for Friday and finished with a statement that put the ball in Sue’s court, “I’ll look forward to hearing from you.”  Nothing in this e-mail was inappropriate. Let’s look at the alternative.

Sue,

I didn’t see you at the park this morning. No offense but I feel like you keep blowing me off.  I thought we were planning on lunch this Friday but if you treat Friday like you did today, I guess I’ll be sitting at the restaurant by myself. Just in case you still want to get together for lunch, would you please let me know for sure?  My time is valuable, you know.

Thanks!

Lisa

It’s pretty clear that Lisa is not a happy camper. And I think we can pretty much come to the conclusion that after Sue reads this e-mail, she’s not going to be a happy camper either. More than likely, she will not be at the restaurant Friday morning.  The main problem with this e-mail is that Lisa was avoiding a face-to-face meeting with Sue. Instead, she chose to hide behind her computer and let her fingers type the sparks that could start a forest fire. These words could easily start a domino effect of negative feelings and reactions. Sue may want to retaliate with a snippy e-mail back to Lisa which could lead to a snippier e-mail from Sue. With each contrary e-mail exchange, sparks of fire may fatally damage this relationship. With one click of the mouse, either woman could forward this e-mail exchange to all of her friends. Or, they could each post their own “sparks” on Facebook. Now this issue between Lisa and Sue will become common knowledge to many.So much for a private conversation just between the two of them. Because Lisa was feeling stood up, and the key word is feeling, then this sort of communication needed to take place in person—not over a computer.  I like to think of it this way, heart-to-heart matters require face-to-face discussions.

As a leader, we need to set the tone and provide guidelines for proper communication to those involved in our teams and ministries. Proverbs 16:13 says, “A good leader cultivates honest speech…”  So, the next time you need to e-mail, text or post something on Facebook, always remember, “Just the facts, ma’am!”

Michael Jordan, when referring to the basketball court, once said, “…it’s been the site of intense pain and yet, the site of the most intense feelings of joy and satisfaction.” How true of many aspects in life! I experienced intense pain in the hospital delivery room right before experiencing intense joy—as the most precious, beautiful, six pounds of miraculous perfection had been placed in my arms—the day I gave birth to each of my daughters. I imagine that runners experience intense satisfaction when winning a marathon, yet the burning pain in their upper legs is a reminder of the familiar adage, “no pain, no gain.” The things we love the most are the same things that often bring with them the most pain.

The years I served as the director of our church’s mom’s group provided me with many moments of satisfaction and joy. My heart melted the day one of our moms shared her testimony. Through joyful tears, she explained that one Wednesday after mom’s group she pulled her mini-van over to the side of the road and asked Jesus into her heart.  God had been gently moving in her for months, but as she heard her toddler singing the B-I-B-L-E song, which he had learned in the children’s program that morning, that was the moment she finally submitted her heart to Christ and her journey with Jesus began.  My heart leaped when a husband of one of our moms had shared with us that his desire for Christ grew as a result of what his wife was learning in our mom’s group. I also treasured every thank you card I had received from moms, speakers, and guests complimenting the professionalism and the evidence of Jesus’ love within our mom’s ministry. This ministry was the site of intense feelings of joy and satisfaction for me.

But I also experienced moments of profound hurt and disappointment. My heart sank when a few women from the leadership team had used facebook as a means to vent their frustration about the ministry. I was deeply hurt when it became apparent that a few staff members had gossiped about me. I felt disappointment and I sometimes wondered where God was in the midst of all of our Murphy Moments (see prior post). I often questioned, how can something which offers such intense joy and satisfaction also bring with it such intense pain?  I think Michael Jordan and I could have a good ol’ chat about this topic!

Actually, both Michael and I could have a good ol’ chat with Jesus on this topic! Talk about intense joy and satisfaction coupled with intense pain. Jesus could write a book on that topic. Oh wait—He did!

When we look at the ministry life of Jesus, we can see that His ministry was a perfect combo platter of joy and pain. I’m sure Jesus experienced great joy when Zacchaeus, the wealthy tax collector, had a heart change and willingly offered to not only give half of his possessions to the poor, but also offered to pay back anyone four times the amount he had cheated them. What about the woman who had such faith in Jesus that she believed all she had to do was to touch His robe and she would be healed, or the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and then proceeded to anoint them with perfume?  What an intense God moment Jesus must have felt as He witnessed the numerous baptisms of John the Baptist. I guess one could say that Jesus’ ministry was the site of intense joy.

Yet, Jesus also endured enormous pain as a result of ministry as well. No matter how many beautiful analogies He shared through His parables, the Pharisees continued to be critical and negative of Jesus. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked His disciples to pray, but instead they slept. How could He not have helped but to feel disappointment in their failure? The ultimate pain however, was experienced in the agonizing sting of the cross. Even before the beatings He endured, the crown of thorns which had been forced upon His head, and the nails which had been pounded into His hands and feet, Jesus had experienced the rejection and betrayal by two of His own. I guess one could say Jesus’ ministry was also the site of intense pain. But despite all of the pain Jesus experienced, His love for ministry did not wane. Jesus continued to love ministry so much that He still chose to willingly give His life for us.

Michael Jordan may have had numerous slam-dunks on his record, but he also experienced the pain of defeat and disappointment on the court. However, that did not change his love for playing the game. Likewise, the pain of our disappointments should not change our love of doing ministry. We will have slam-dunk moments. But when the painful ones come along, we can find comfort in knowing that no hurt or disappointment we experience in our ministry had not been first experienced by Jesus in His ministry.

Murphy is a well-known guest at the party of life, but too often he strives to be the infamous “life of the party” when he shows up uninvited to our ministry affairs. If you have served in a leadership position long enough, I bet that you too have experienced his shenanigans first hand. The keynote speaker to your event has to cancel at the last minute due to a personal matter. You learn that the reserved room at the church has been double-booked. The copy machine ‘dies’ in the middle of running off the beautiful flyers you designed. There is a conflict brewing between a few of your team members. The Power Point presentation you spent hours putting together has a glitch and now the audio won’t play. Or, my personal favorite, a critical team member quits one week before the scheduled event! Continue reading →

As a woman of influence, God has given you the opportunity to challenge and encourage others to grow in their faith. He placed a passion in your heart to inspire them to pursue righteousness. You may have a speaking ministry, write articles, author books, or post blogs. You may even serve in a leadership ministry position. When those within your circle of influence face obstacles and difficulties, you strive to speak words of wisdom, compassion, understanding and Godly instruction to help them weather their life storms. But when you face obstacles and difficulties, who challenges and encourages you? Who comes along side of you and helps you weather your own life storms?  Who speaks words of wisdom, compassion, understanding and Godly instruction to your heart?

In Romans 1:12, Paul is speaking to the church of Rome. I’ve often imagined that Paul was the Billy Graham of his day, or even envisioned (for the sake of women’s ministry) that this gathering at the church of Rome, was a women’s conference event and Paul was the key note speaker—AKA, the Beth Moore of this special occasion! Many may have waited in anticipation of Paul’s arrival—excited to see this man in person and hear the Holy, inspired words God impressed upon his heart. He begins in verse 11 by saying, “For I long to visit you so I may share a spiritual blessing with you that will help you grow strong in the Lord.” Paul’s many ministry experiences and the sufferings he endured for Christ’s sake, had earned him a reputation as an authentic follower of Jesus Christ. Yet, with complete humility, Paul continues in verse 12 by admitting to his audience that he needs encouragement from them as well. “I’m eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us can be a blessing to the other.” Paul fully recognized that he was not above the need for spiritual encouragement from fellow believers.

Throughout my years of serving in women’s ministry, I often sensed that some assumed I held my leadership position because I had my “act” completely put together. I honestly believe there were those who truly thought my husband and I never squabbled, that my children arose each morning and called me blessed, that my leadership team always agreed with me and the decisions I made, and that I never had days when I looked in the mirror, questioned my abilities, and seriously doubted if God was really calling me to do what I was doing. Therefore, the apparent lack of issues in my life is why I held the position I did. In actuality, I needed to be encouraged in my daily walk just as much as those who I was trying to encourage.

When I held my women’s ministry position on our church staff, I would often hear comments about how nice it must be to have a stress-free job. Stress-free!? Are you serious? I would think to myself. I often wanted to say, “I don’t think I knew what stress was UNTIL I had started working at a church!” When I hear statements like, “I just knew God was calling me to do (fill in the blank) because doors opened and everything fell into place,” I can’t relate to that either. In fact, if I used that statement as criteria for proof that I was doing what God called me to do, I’d have very little (if any) ministry experience, and I think I’d probably still be waiting around for His call! Although, I’m pretty sure I could write a book about what doors closing and everything seeming to fall out of place looks like. At no other time in my life did I feel I needed more encouragement than when I was in the thick of ministry. Can I hear an, “Amen, Sister!”?

Oh, dear women of Godly influence, you are a valuable and precious commodity. The world we live in is in desperate need of hearing the truth of God–which you can be sharing through your ministry. When you are pouring into others, never lose sight of the fact that you too need to be replenished. Find those who are solid and mature in their relationship with Christ, who can help refill your spiritual tank. When the obstacles and challenges of doing ministry (and life in general) come your way—and they will—it’s necessary to have those around you who can build you up and encourage you so you can continue to share the Good News. Like Paul, never underestimate your need for spiritual encouragement and never hesitate to seek it from others.