In the 1950’s, there was a weekly television series called Dragnet. In this popular crime drama, characters Joe Friday and Bill Gannon were police officers investigating crimes. With their pen and notepad in hand, they would question witnesses in order to acquire information that would help them solve the crime. Joe Friday’s character was a no-nonsense, just-get-to-the-point type of guy. If he was questioning a female witness who wandered too far from relaying the facts of the crime or the accused, he was known for saying, “Just the facts, ma’am.”
James 3:5 says, “So also the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.” Given the technology driven culture we live in today, at no other time does this issue seem to be more problematic. Because we live in a world supercharged by social media, idle chatter frequently seems to hit a communication Autobahn. Before we know it we may feel bad PR is too far down the road.
Joe Friday’s verbal MO, “Just the facts, ma’am,” is actually good advice for us to practice when it comes to online communication. E-mail, texting, Facebook or any other online correspondence should be used to communicate facts and information. Communication involving emotions and feelings are much better addressed face-to-face. Computers or cell phones do not allow the reader to see the facial expressions behind the words. It is more likely that written words could be misinterpreted which could illicit a negative emotional reaction.
Matthew 18:15 encourages us by saying, “If a fellow believer hurts you, meet privately. Work it out between the two of you…”
As a woman, I can honestly say I don’t like conflict. Meeting face-to-face with someone to discuss a delicate situation is not really my cup of tea. I find it uncomfortable. It’s so much easier to express my thoughts behind the keys of a computer than it is to meet face-to-face with someone. But what’s easier is not always what’s right. Because it’s easier to hide behind our computers, it’s also easier to slip into a venting mode and say more than we should. Meeting in person often provides accountability. When we can physically see the person we are talking to, their body language and facial expressions may help monitor our words so we don’t add more fuel to the fire.
To better illustrate this, let’s use the following example of an e-mail sent to a woman who isn’t very reliable when it comes to showing up for planned events.
Hey Sue! Hope you had a great day! I missed seeing you at the park this morning. Hope everything is ok. I also wanted to confirm that we are planning on getting together for lunch on Friday at 11:30. Please let me know. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks!
Lisa
This e-mail is sticking to the facts. Lisa made it clear that she didn’t see Sue at the park that morning, but she followed with a statement that expressed concern rather than frustration over the fact that Sue wasn’t there. She went on to confirm their lunch plans for Friday and finished with a statement that put the ball in Sue’s court, “I’ll look forward to hearing from you.” Nothing in this e-mail was inappropriate. Let’s look at the alternative.
Sue,
I didn’t see you at the park this morning. No offense but I feel like you keep blowing me off. I thought we were planning on lunch this Friday but if you treat Friday like you did today, I guess I’ll be sitting at the restaurant by myself. Just in case you still want to get together for lunch, would you please let me know for sure? My time is valuable, you know.
Thanks!
Lisa
It’s pretty clear that Lisa is not a happy camper. And I think we can pretty much come to the conclusion that after Sue reads this e-mail, she’s not going to be a happy camper either. More than likely, she will not be at the restaurant Friday morning. The main problem with this e-mail is that Lisa was avoiding a face-to-face meeting with Sue. Instead, she chose to hide behind her computer and let her fingers type the sparks that could start a forest fire. These words could easily start a domino effect of negative feelings and reactions. Sue may want to retaliate with a snippy e-mail back to Lisa which could lead to a snippier e-mail from Sue. With each contrary e-mail exchange, sparks of fire may fatally damage this relationship. With one click of the mouse, either woman could forward this e-mail exchange to all of her friends. Or, they could each post their own “sparks” on Facebook. Now this issue between Lisa and Sue will become common knowledge to many.So much for a private conversation just between the two of them. Because Lisa was feeling stood up, and the key word is feeling, then this sort of communication needed to take place in person—not over a computer. I like to think of it this way, heart-to-heart matters require face-to-face discussions.
As a leader, we need to set the tone and provide guidelines for proper communication to those involved in our teams and ministries. Proverbs 16:13 says, “A good leader cultivates honest speech…” So, the next time you need to e-mail, text or post something on Facebook, always remember, “Just the facts, ma’am!”